Beauty and Death

“Beauty and Death before me…

There is nothing worth living, but life”

Cunning were the words she spoke

As she Rose to greet the Sun/Son

And as her cOnsort she kissed his lips.

Wars had been waged in her honor

Her bounty was the Earth

Men have knelt before her

Knowing that she is Queen.

Goddess, All Mother, Queen of the Fae

Call now all your children forward

Mundane no longer an option.

The Oracle now speaks:

“Reach deep down in your soul

For she shall soon Reap

Intense is the love of the Morrighan

Great is what she’ll teach”

Her warriors stand now beside her

Aware of her return

Speak Now of her

Magick and monarchy

“A new age she ushers in.

Enough is not a word she knows.

She teaches, Victory or death!

Each warrior she loses along the way

is another lesson that must be learned

Ne’er do wells should not seek her—

She will weed you out!”

Her Intrigue is what will call you

Mesmerized you will be

Answer you must do

Claim your sovereignty or eternal sleep

Her lesson becomes your life

Your life is one with the land

And all shall be at the end

The same as it began

Don’t cry if you are afraid

Or she will tell your tale

Red will be the blood you spill

Unsure of your fate?

Nothing will ever be the same

If you stand strong you are worthy

And nothing will ever be the same

New is the horizon before you

Under the moon you shall dance

Surrounded by her spirit

Undying shall be your faith

“Born to be a witch” you will proclaim

The Raven she sends before you

An Omen of her grace

She smiles as she embraces you

At long last you have taken your place.

She sings to you

And bathes you in mothers milk

She laughs the caw of the crow

She shows you the past and your present

“Work” she says is what you must do

“A warrior!” she says “You will be!”

Your mission “to find your sovereignty”

And Nothing will ever be the same

The people will call you “Your Majesty”

Your kingdom will never fail

Learn much you must

Before becoming crone or sage

And age will not determine your degree

But heed her lessons

“In perfect love and perfect trust”

Or death will be your final fee.

Interview: the Poem

Do you miss me?

Do you love me?

Are you in love with me?

Do you know how much I loved you?

Why do you kiss me like that?

Why are your texts always about how horny you are?

Do you see me?

The real me?

Do you know me?

Do you ever think about me?

What’s my last name?

When is my birthday?

How old am I?

Do you remember the day we first met?

Can you say more to me than just ‘sup’?

Are you, really married?

Are you in a relationship?

Why am I number two instead of your number one?

Can you pretend to give a fuck about me?

Do you ever think about me?

How long do you expect me to wait?

When will you learn your lesson?

When will you value me more than drugs?

When will I learn my lesson?

Never

Blog Tour: Im featured

Hey all,

I’m participating in the blog tour and so I’m being featured on another writer’s  blog please go check it out The Starving Activist by AR NEAL I will have more about her in my blog post on 04/14/14

408

 

This is a poem I wrote about weight and the issues that come a long with it.  I  performed this piece during the Diversity Week at my Alma Mater San Bernardino Valley College  I went there for my junior college years and it made a major impact on who I am today.   I was able to be all of the expressions of me for the first time without judgement and so when my dear friend Merrie Valdemar asked me to come  back there to speak and to share my book with the campus I had no other choice but to oblige.

This was the perfect place to start the next part of my journey…

The Fat Closet

Today I am coming out of the Closet, The Fat Closet. I have been hiding behind my weight and hiding my weight for so long. I want to blame so many different factors in my life for the way I am. Honestly it is no one’s fault but my own. I AM FAT. I am currently 442 lbs. I don’t know that I have ever really said that out loud or even written it down in words because realizing my weight means I have to acknowledge that those excess pounds are there. Five years ago I published my first book and in it I talked about my then weight in the poem “408”. It was the first time that I put it out there what my potential weight was and even at that time I never fully exposed me. I didn’t say that it was my current weight and I hid behind the fact that the poem itself could apply to any weight and any person that had ever had weight issues. I am a survivor of weight bias. I’m not going to take on the title of a champion of weight loss until I can get to that point where I can fully accept me no matter what my body looks like. Right now, I’m feeling empowered because I feel like for the first time in a long time I own it. I own me. I own all of my pounds. I own all of my pounds.

I currently am working through the program of Weight Watchers and I hope that people do not feel that this is a fad diet that I am going through. In my mind I see this ultimate outcome and this is just the beginning for me. I needed to use this to help me – to make me realize the food that I am putting in to my body. My body is my temple but I have been treating it like it was just a shell to bury my feelings both good and bad. I acknowledge that this is not how you treat your temple. In your temple – it is to be well kept and sacred. Your temple is supposed to be the place where you can find solace and find all the answers to lifes questions. In my temple I have let it become a mess and instead of it being a temple it has been my prison holding me back. I have used my temple and the facades of the “character” I became to protect me from the pain of hateful and hurtful words from friends and family. I am coming out of the FAT closet. I at this point in my life am no longer giving MY POWER away by being scared of being called FAT. I AM FAT and I OWN IT. I do also know though that it is MY POWER that is going to help me change it. It is ME that is making a change so that I am HEALTHY and I am in my body fully.
I am 33 years old, I am 6’5” tall, I am 442lbs, I am 43% body fat, I am 253lbs of muscle.
No matter those layers, titles, names or states of being I am owning them today…
Let this journey continue
Let this journey bless me with the real me hidden under these layers
I am open to the walls coming down
Are you?