I told myself I wouldnt cry

 

I told myself I wouldn’t cry

In my heart i think i knew the time was coming

but you never want to think it

shes too young I said

she proved them wrong I said

she surpassed their expectations because she was that strong

I called you mom

but maybe

I should have called you Wonder Woman

raising all of us kids — although my sister and i were yours

you brought us up with our cousins all under one roof

like brothers and sisters

and we may have been poor

but we were rich — rich with the love and conviction of a strong role model

rich with the strength that you passed down to us so that we would grow up

to make choices that defined our lives

I told myself I wouldn’t cry because the world is going to miss out on a woman like you

a heart of gold

and wisdom beyond your years

you were the Big Mama that even the neighborhood kids would talk about

coming to our house because it was safe

safe to play in the yard and be free

not worried about gang banging because there was no banging at your house

just water balloon fights, and kool-aid, and ice cold watermelon on a summers night

I weep for this world because you were an angel

you gave guidance and never judged

you were the ear or the shoulder to cry on

you were there to pick up the pieces when everything seemed to fall apart

broken homes, broken wills, broken hearts

Big Mama fixed it with her apple fritters and fried chicken

her fresh sweet tea

i told myself i wouldn’t cry

but this poem isn’t about me…